The be-longing within us all

True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are. -Brene Brown

The phrase “Maslow Before Bloom” has become very popular these days in light of the increasing focus on social and emotional learning (SEL) and trauma informed pedagogy. Most educators know about Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, but many may not be aware that Maslow’s pyramid was deeply influenced by the teachings of the Blackfoot tribe after he spent time with them during the summer of 1938. According to his biographer, Edward Hoffman, Maslow had high respect for their beliefs. I found this out recently after seeing a post on Twitter showing a graphic of the pyramid on one side and the Blackfoot tipi on the other. If you look at them next to each other (see figure 1), you will see that Maslow put self-actualization at the top level to reach whereas the Blackfoot believed it was the first level and the basis for everything else.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs on the right side and the Blackfoot tipi on the left side.
Figure 1.

I was curious to know more, so I began looking for research supporting Maslow’s theory. I discovered that he didn’t gather any case studies except those from his private practice and his own expertise in motivational psychology. This made me even more curious, so I continued to search online. I recalled that she wrote about Maslow and the Blackfoot in her latest book, Define Your Why: Own Your Story So You Can Live and Learn on Purpose and also published a blog post about it.

In the meantime, I’ve also been reading about belonging and trying to understand why it’s the basis for us to thrive and succeed. So what do I believe Maslow got wrong? He turned the tipi upside down and left self-actualization as the ultimate goal for each person. In his interpretation, the realization of one’s potential is a motivating force. The definition of self-actualization is the realization or fulfillment of one’s talents and potentialities, especially considered as a drive or need present in everyone. Maslow’s focus is on individual motivations. However, he has missed a major point. Humans need to feel connected, they need to feel a sense of community and belonging, so if our ultimate goal is individual, how will that make us feel fulfilled? I argue that it doesn’t.

I believe Belonging before Bloom, not Maslow before Bloom. Maslow believed people are motivated to reach self-actualization, but that isn’t where we should be headed. In fact, it’s where we need to start. The first three tiers of Maslow’s hierarchy are all part of feeling safe and self-confident which is essential to belonging and the basis for wellbeing. Those tiers should be combined because you can’t have one without the other. There isn’t a step by step hierarchy to fulfilling physiological needs, then safety needs, and then belonging and love. As I will show in my next post, in order to feel a sense of belonging you must at the same time be in a place you believe is safe. That means you have a roof over your head (or a place to call home) and you have all the basic physiological needs.

Once we feel we belong because we are in a safe space like home or school, we can self-regulate and spend time alone without feeling lonely. Once you feel a sense of belonging within you, establishing relationships with others is easier and more fulfilling. Acceptance into groups including family and friends (ie. Personal Belonging) means being accepted for who you are. You shouldn’t have to change yourself to “fit in”. According to Brene Brown, “True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.” (from her book, Braving the Wilderness).

In next week’s post, I’ll explore some of the ancient teachings about attaining fulfillment and success; belonging is the starting point.

2 thoughts on “The be-longing within us all

  1. Thank you so much for this great message and I am also happy to connect with you and get to know more about you and what you do as well. Together we make this world a better place

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