In many parts of the world, school is just getting started. In others, school is about mid-way through the year. It doesn’t matter at what point in the academic year you are as an educator, you may need to read/hear this right now.
I’m checking in to see how you’re all doing. It’s been a difficult few years, more than previous years. Are you feeling any of these?
- I am prone to self-doubt.
- When I finish the school day, I only or mostly think about what went wrong
- It’s hard for me to take time for myself, even on the weekends.
- I have trouble setting boundaries between my work and spending time with my friends and family.
- When I hear about “self-care”, I cringe because I don’t have time to spend on myself.
If you agree with any or all of these statements, possibly with a resounding YES!, then you need to focus more on self-belonging. What is self-belonging?
It’s…
- Self-confidence
- Self-esteem
- Self-acceptance,
- Self-love
- Self-concept
I think you get the idea.
Let’s look at how we can reframe the statements above, so you can begin your journey to self-belonging.
- I use positive self-talk.
- When I finish the school day, I reflect on what went well and celebrate my success(es). Then I reflect on what didn’t go well and list ways I can improve the next time.
- I carve out time for myself in the evening and on weekends. I realize that work will always be there and boundaries are important to my mental health and well-being.
- My family and friends deserve my full attention and I know that being present is important for them and for me.
- The meaning of self-care is _______________ (list your passions/ what fills you with joy).
As you read each statement in the first set, how did you feel?
- Helpless at the thought of changing anything?
- Annoyed (perhaps at yourself or others)?
- Wishing you could do something about it?
As you read each statement in the second set, how did you feel?
- Overwhelmed because you’re not there yet?
- Excited to get started?
- Wondering how to get started?
- Need some help or support?
I used to feel the same way about the first set and never thought I’d get to experience the second set. First, I had to reframe how I viewed my self-value to take the first steps on my journey to self-belonging. I was exhausted from work and beginning to lose my passion for it. It was scary to think that something I loved doing for so many years was now the source of my low mood and inner pain. I hated feeling that way. I had regrets about telling my friends I was “too busy” to attend the events they planned. In fact, they eventually stopped inviting me since I always said “no”. After my kids all left home to pursue their lives, my husband spent most of his time outside of the house. When I asked him why he told me that he thought I was busy with work. That was a wake-up call!
When I was a teacher, I brought my work home. I planned my lessons on the weekends and prepared for the next day’s lessons after I returned home each day. Now that I think back to those days, I realize that most of my colleagues were leaving their work at school and still managed to prepare for the day during their prep periods. Were they less elaborate than mine? Probably. Did the students suffer as a result? Not that I could see. They had set boundaries; I had not. Perhaps you don’t have enough time during prep periods. Perhaps you’d like to teach using projects. How can you get started without adding to your workload?
When I was an administrator, I realized I had control over how much time I spent at work. Work was always going to take more time than my scheduled day. I began by setting healthy boundaries for myself. Work stayed at my office and I ignored emails from my work colleagues unless they were time-bound and needed to be answered before work the next day. This was a small percentage of my emails, so that was manageable and didn’t impede on my personal time. I also committed to being present and available when my family and friends invited me or needed me.
Creating boundaries is an important first step. What are boundaries?
- Physical Boundaries: Your physical boundaries refer to the rules that define your personal space and touch (i.e. hugs vs. handshakes) in the workplace.
- Emotional Boundaries: Your emotional boundaries refer to your emotions, and they distinguish your emotions from someone else’s at work to help you build a stronger sense of identity. Your emotional boundaries might cause you to say no to certain asks at work, for example, and you won’t allow others’ attitudes about it to easily influence your own.
- Mental Boundaries: Your mental boundaries refer to your thoughts, values and opinions on matters in the workplace. For example, you might have your opinion on how things should operate at work and value your morning meetings — and you won’t allow someone else’s ideas of how things should go to influence your own.
Source: https://fairygodboss.com/career-topics/setting-boundaries-at-work
Here are additional suggestions for organizing your work with boundaries in mind:
https://educationtothecore.com/2021/12/27-ways-teachers-are-setting-boundaries/
https://mint.intuit.com/blog/remote-work/setting-boundaries-at-work/
Communicating boundaries:
Practical ideas for teachers on setting boundaries:
https://www.weareteachers.com/work-boundaries/
I hope you found this post helpful. For more information, check the resources on my website www.ilenewinokur.com Feel free to reach out to me and be sure to sign up for my upcoming monthly newsletter while you’re there.
Need support from someone? Perhaps someone to help you jumpstart your journey?