Monthly Archives: April 2020

All kinds of belonging in the age of COVID19

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Empty airport terminals

The daily newspaper at my door and “room service” delivered daily. Sounds like I’m staying at a five star hotel? Nope. I’ve been in isolation the past few days since returning to Kuwait from Buffalo, New York and will continue for 28 days total. I bet you’re wondering what it’s like. I must say it is very quiet and peaceful. I am staying in my son’s apartment on the second floor of our house since he’s in Pittsburgh completing his MBA. I can also say that since I was self-isolating at my 95 year old mother’s house in Buffalo, it’s not too different (it’s a bit warmer outside, but since I’m not allowed to go for a walk, it really doesn’t matter).

Today’s post is about the importance of belonging and the many facets of belonging that I am experiencing right now.
First up is self-belonging, or being ok to be alone and not feel lonely.

Dinner is served. Delivered like room service.

My journey started at the airport in Buffalo. The terminal was almost empty, and when I boarded the plane, there were only 7 passengers and 2 crew. It was a one hour flight and we were all scattered throughout the plane. I arrived at JFK terminal 5 and headed to baggage claim. It was totally empty! The only person waiting for baggage was me and the other baggage claim areas were void of any passengers. After claiming my suitcases, I headed to the departure level to call the hotel shuttle. Very few people were waiting outside, and all physically distanced. I had to remind myself I wasn’t in Buffalo anymore and this scene didn’t seem like the usual one at JFK! The shuttle showed up within 5 minutes and took me to the Crowne Plaza Hotel nearby. The plexiglass barrier at the reception counter was a stark reminder that my memory of normal isn’t the norm during COVID19.

I decided to wipe down all of the surfaces I would be touching even though I was sure the room had been properly sanitized. I also wiped down my suitcases before bringing them into the room. Then I made sure to carefully place all of my clothing in a bag I’d brought with me (for donating them) and showered from head to toe. Now that I was satisfied there were no germs anywhere in my vicinity, I sat down to ponder my new circumstances.

I mentioned that my isolation began when I entered the airport in Buffalo, but I really wasn’t completely isolated. Although nobody was traveling with me, I was keeping in touch with all of my family by messaging and calling. I was especially careful to keep my mother updated since she was very worried I might get exposed to the virus while traveling. Once she knew I was safe in the hotel and how my trip to JFK was (nobody sitting next to me, all wearing masks), her anxiety level dropped. She would continue to worry until I arrived home in Kuwait, but at least she knew I was alright until that part of my journey. I also contacted my sister, brother, children, their spouses, and my husband. They were all relieved that so far my travel had been uneventful.

Traveling back to Kuwait. Mask on and ready.

My flight to Kuwait was scheduled for the next evening, so I had lots of time at the hotel but didn’t leave my room until check out at 5:00 p.m. Several people messaged and asked how I was going to spend all that time. It seemed they were concerned I might be lonely or bored, but I had plenty to keep me busy and I didn’t feel lonely or bored. I believe that being alone is sometimes a good thing. It’s our time to clear our heads, reflect on what we’ve accomplished, make decisions about moving forward, and find peace and tranquility within. I can’t say I have always felt that way, but I am lucky I have learned that it’s important to find a sense of belonging within myself. It’s really helping me during this very difficult time.

My second sense of belonging is personal belonging which has many facets, but is especially pertinent right now.

I arrived in Buffalo on March 7th expecting to stay at my mother’s house until leaving for Denver to attend the TESOL International conference at the end of March. The conference was cancelled soon after I arrived, so I had to make a decision (the first of many): extend the visit with my mother or fly to Boston and visit my daughter and son-in-law. Initially, I changed my plans and booked a flight to Boston on April 1st. Those plans changed again when I found out there was little hope of traveling to Kuwait on my Emirates flight from Boston due to Dubai’s airport closure. So, I cancelled my flight to Boston and hunkered down in Buffalo. I kept hoping things would calm down and I’d be able to visit my daughter, but as the days passed, it was obvious that wasn’t going to happen any time in the near future. Then word came from my daughter-in-law that the Kuwaiti government was scheduling special flights for citizens to return to Kuwait at the end of April. It became very clear that I needed to make a decision; stay in Buffalo with my mother until Dubai and Kuwait airports reopened, or leave on one of the Kuwait flights. Initially, and early in the decision-making process, I enrolled online at “ma’akum” (with you), but mentioned I was staying with my mother and wasn’t going to return. But my mind was conflicted. Should I return to Kuwait where my husband was alone and where I call “home”, or stay with my mother who is independent but needs someone to keep her company and ensure she is eating properly. I feel like I belong in both places, so this decision was not easy. It all came down to a personal decision of where I felt I needed to be and how long I could stay in one place or the other. It’s times like these I wish I could clone myself.

After discussions with my mother, my husband, and my children, I ultimately decided there was too much uncertainty about when I’d be able to return to Kuwait if I didn’t take advantage of the repatriation flight. In fact, Emirates had sent me a message that the earliest they’d possibly start flying again was July 1st. So I changed the form and said I was ready to leave. On Sunday night, April 19 I received a call from the Kuwaiti Consulate in New York City that I’d be flying on the Kuwait Airways flight from JFK on April 23rd. I was going home! And even though I felt at home with my mother, it was an exhilarating moment.

Now I’m in self-isolation in my son’s apartment in Kuwait. I am back to feeling my sense of self-belonging. Don’t worry. I’m not lonely. I’m in my house even if it’s not my usual place. I have plenty to keep me busy and people checking on my, including my tracking device from the Ministry of Health. It is very quiet in the apartment, but I don’t notice it. I guess that’s what self-belonging is all about. Being ok with being alone.

Belonging is such a basic need, but what happens when you feel you belong in more than one place? It’s the most satisfying and wonderful feeling! It’s hard to explain, but I hope you feel you belong. I hope you have that peace of mind, the self-belonging and personal belonging. I have even felt the professional belonging from my PLN on Twitter and my work with refugee teachers. More on that in later posts.

Celebrations and religious observances during COVID-19

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Multi-colored ribbon and confetti. Photo by Ylanite Koppens from Pexels

Celebrations of special holidays and religious observances have been a hot topic this week. Passover and Easter were celebrated in a variety of ways including live stream religious services, parishioners sitting in their cars in their church parking lot, and virtual family meals on Skype or Zoom. Many of those who were asked or interviewed about how this year’s holidays were different mentioned how much they missed their traditional celebrations, but tried to make the best of the situation. Even Easter egg hunts were different this year.

Next week is the start of the holy month of Ramadan for Muslims. It is a month of fasting and traditionally includes family visits and breaking the fast with additional guests at the table. This year will also be different for how Ramadan will be observed. Families usually have futour (breaking the fast) together. Many times the extended family members also attend. Another tradition is sharing of food where neighbors and family members make extra food and share it with others. Under the current circumstances, I don’t think this will be followed as much as usual. Another tradition is attending prayers at the mosque. The mosques are currently all closed.

The Islamic calendar follows the lunar months which means holidays and observances are on different dates each year. Fasting during the summer months is really difficult because there is no food or drink from sunrise to sunset. However, we manage. I have fasted during Ramadan since 1985, and I will fast again this year. This year, according to the lunar calendar, Ramadan will probably begin on April 24th. I think this will be the most difficult Ramadan for Muslims around the world due to physical distancing and fears of spreading the virus to our family members and friends. It is especially difficult for me this year because I am thousands of miles from Kuwait. I was hoping that life would be back to “normal” and airports would miraculously reopen by mid-April. But that isn’t going to happen. So I have a dilemma right now, made even more difficult because I can put my name on a list with the Kuwaiti government to be repatriated to Kuwait. I miss my adopted home in Kuwait and my husband who has been on his own for more than a month. Both my mother and my husband have told me that the decision is mine to make.

Do I return to Kuwait on flights provided by the government, or take a chance and wait for flights to Kuwait to resume. I still haven’t had a chance to visit my daughter and son-in-law in Boston and only had two days with my son and daughter-in-law in Pittsburgh. My decision is made a bit easier because I am staying with my mother in my hometown and although we don’t leave the house, it still feels like home. So now that I have a choice, I am torn between each of my “homes”. Even though I’d like to break the fast with my husband in Kuwait, but once I return I will either be in quarantine or isolating myself at home away from my husband who is almost 70 years old. So the only difference is that he and I will be in the same time zone and house, but we will still be sitting at separate tables on different levels of our house. If I fast Ramadan at my mother’s house, I will be eating alone also. At age 95, she has to eat dinner by 6:30. I will be breaking my fast after 7:15 p.m.

This is today’s reality for so many people around the world like those who are used to visiting their elderly family members in nursing homes but now have to talk to them through a window. Or those who have birthday celebrations virtually or have cars passing by their house as they watch from the driveway. Essential workers who are worried they might bring the virus home with them, so they have separated themselves from loved ones. Parents who are now trying to work from home and juggle their own parental responsibilities to support their children’s education. My decision seems rather benign as compared to all that we read and hear about every day since this crisis entered our lives.

Since I started blogging, I’ve been writing about how I have a sense of belonging in two different places in the world and that it’s been quite a journey for me to feel that way. I hope it makes this decision a bit easier to make, but right now, just like everyone else, I’m thinking about all that I’m missing no matter where I decide to be.